Sainsburys: Half price joints this festive period!
I'm not sure when they legalized it but I am going to get so stoned this Christmas.

I just bought a straight piece of plastic.
It rules.
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I just bought a grey lump of limestone.
It rocks.
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I just bought a Dyson.
It sucks.
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I just bought a fridge, it's cool

Went shopping with my wife to ikea at the weekend. Soon after entering i saw a woman staring at me, she kept winking and smiling at me, and as soon as my wife went off to look at kitchen fittings, she came up to me.
Seductively she asked "Monogomy is not for everyone"
I replied "I agree... I think the beech units would look much better"

Never go to a barber that is next door to a busy hat shop

Ralf Little does the voiceovers for Asda's adverts where they say their prices are lower than Tesco's.
Every little helps? I think not.

No joke!
Morrisons actually sell tissues called 'Family facial tissues'.
Nothing like a good family facial ay Morrisons?

I told the wife at the weekend I would take her to town and she could look in any shop she wanted.
"Really, you mean it?, absolutly any shop I want?" she asked.
"Yep,not a problem" I replied.
"Oooooh, your the best" she giggled.
I've never known anyone get so excited over the prospect of window shopping.

Just done my shopping in Waitrose....
Even the trolleys take a 2 coin

I am never using ebay again! just received my 'black and white' printer, thieving seller never gave me any white ink!

Tesco Value Toilet Tissue - You can tell it's recycled because you can still see the stains.

I'm going to open a book store and make the mystery section really hard to find,
and when people ask me if I have a mystery section I can say "Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

I was in Burger King earlier and after waiting I noticed that the obese woman on the till had written on her top 'Too cool for school' i suppose that's why she was working at Burger King then.

Whenever I walk into Aldi, I always check around to make sure noone I know has seen me going in, just because it's so embaressing.
I really should get a job somewhere else.

I'd only used it once and it was no good so I took it back to the shop, with my receipt, and asked for my money back.
The manager said that they don't do that with scratch cards.

Last night I took an E.
The shop is now called 'T SCO'

I went online shopping for the wife today.
thaibrides.com has a brilliant variety.

I always buy Tesco value toilet paper.
There are certain shortcomings, but it feels the same as Andrex on the hole.

BBC News: Civilians die in Kashmir violence.
It's amazing what some people will do for a nice sweater...

When being asked if I collect vouchers for schools at Tesco.
Saying that you think you're girlfriend collects them is probably not a great thing to say, but it does stop the stupid checkout operator talking to you.

Tesco Thick Bleach "Kills germs and bacteria dead"
I'd say that was thick alright

I've just been to see the Tech Guys at PC world.
I didn't know until then that Tech is actually short for Technically Inept.

At the end of the checkout at Sainsbury's it says, "Please pull your bag here",
Why did it take the Security Guards to point out to me that I misunderstood the sign?

I've found my new hobby- Drinking heavily and online shopping.
Because it feels great to drink, and even better to shop. But if feels spectacular to receive surprise gifts from myself in the mail.

I am so impressed with the amplifier I bought off ebay. I've left the seller some excellent feedback

You know your getting old when you buy a cereal for it's fibre content and not the free toy