Did you hear about the paranoia patient who joined twitter?
Not a good idea.

Facebook
Kevin McGee ..thinks death is much better than life
Matt Lucas..Yeah i know
Andy does not like this

The government have refused to subsidise my farmville, so I refuse to back their war in afghanistanville.

In about 50 years from now,gravestones will read "Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend."

Just seen the Facebook Group 'I Hate Conformity'.
Yes, because starting a group against conformity really dodges that bullet.

Facebook-mad couple named their daughter Like. And weirdly if you remove the word Facebook from that sentence then it makes more sense.

Just had a message pop up on Facebook.
"Kathryn Rose has invited you to the event - '2011', Accept?"
I'm going to click 'No' and see if i die before midnight.

Its really hits home when even Facebook tells you that you have an error when you try to poke a girl...

Facebook suggests me to reconnect with my ex.
Perhaps with her window, via this brick.

there's no point coming on here any more, all the best jokes are on facebook anyway

My mum lost her life earlier,
she joined Facebook..

I've just made a new social networking site for wife beaters, it's a hit.

So apparently there might have been signs on gary speeds facebook that he was depressed, however officials were too busy monitoring the other 450'000'000 depressed people on facebook to notice this.

I hate stuck-up people who sit on social networking sites all day and complain about everything that goes wrong, when in actual reality their life is far from bad.
3 minutes ago via Facebook for iPhone.

I'm writing a novel about Twitter.
It has 140 characters.

I like to think I'm the best at wasting paper by quite a large margin.

Add on Facebook:
"The Spartan Workout.
Learn how actors from the movie 300 gained muscle and got in shape fast, easy and free. Click here to learn more"
I'll save you the trouble, it's called CGI.

Bebo has been shut down. Tens of people will miss it.

Now that people are changing their Facebook profile pictures back from cartoon characters, I feel comfortable beating my child again without Peter Pan's judging eyes on me.

I'm going to update my Facebook status as "A tall wooden stake used to support a fence"
I'm then going to sit back and wait until someone likes my post.

Just saw a comment on facebook that a Newcastle Utd fan made yesterday:
'I doubt it will be renamed but if it ever does it will be nowhere as near as bad as calling your ground 'The stadium of Light' lol'
I'm guessing Mike Ashley read that too and took it as a challenge.
Your move, Toon Army!

Just seen a fan page on Facebook "JOIN ONLY if you were born in 1993-1994-1995-1996-1997"
Tell me, which one of you created it?

the key to a brilliant joke.
make it a group on facebook

Getting poked on facebook seems to be the only physical contact I get lately.

I read in the paper that a boy of 15 committed suicide after an horrendous bullying campaign on Facebook.
Result.