I've been getting really paranoid lately. Its got so bad, I've even closed my Twitter account because a policeman's been following me.

Why have they made a social network film when know one will go out to see it?

Heard from my mate that there was a girl on Facebook who put "Who fancies a riot?" as a joke on Facebook, and, as a result, she now faces a potential prison sentance.
"That's ridiculous" I told him, as I smashed another shop window.

Crying so much that I cant even think straight.. Just sitting on the floor blubbering Unintelligible jibberish in total devastation..
Yet I still have time to txt my friends this, post it as my Facebook status and Tweet it.

Liam Stacey must be feeling bad about his jail sentence for racist tweeting.
Oh well, he'll still be making bird noises and be called by his original surname in the prison showers.

What's with the "Like us on Facebook" ads,
I'm afraid everyone on this site has given up on Facebook, especially after they brought in the anti-paedophile measures.

I am banned from Social me on Facebook. Under add new tag i wrote "Rapeable" apparently this is frowned upon???

What happened to Bebo? I heard it's where Facebook operators suggest the paedophiles go.

In the sun today.
A depressed woman told 1,000 Facebook friends on Christmas Day she was about to take a fatal overdose - but no one came to help as she died.
Maybe if she had posted "Bring more pills" ?

The other day on Facebook I saw the question, "Let's settle this once and for all. Gandalf or Dumbledore?"
Well obviously Gandalf, because Dumbledore is dead.

I like skype, but sometimes it's hard to hear the other person.
Especially in a crowded room and you're looking over a strangers shoulder.

I'm having a bit of trouble with my music homework,
So I'm going to try and get a bit of help on Twitter.
#whatsthemusicsymbolforsharp

According to Facebook, people from Liverpool get tagged most in pictures posted on the site.
Usually with the comment "wanted."

Facebook chat:
For those people who you really don't want to give your number out to.

You know you're lonely when you create fake Facebook accounts just to add them as friends...

So apparently my level 60 in Farmville is not sufficient enough work experience to get onto the agriculture course at my local university. Oh well at least theres always the level 52 in Cafe world to fall back on.

All my friends are wondering why my exciting jet-setting, globe trotting, celebrity lifestyle has come to an abrupt end.
Thanks a bunch 'Facebook Places'.

Facebook "like's".. the currency of attention

"Ginger powers activate!"
"You have lost all friends on Facebook."

Having mutual friends with someone doesn't mean you should add them on facebook.. .
It's like a stranger knocking on your door and saying, "Hey we both know John, Ron, And Tina... You mind if I come in?"

Just seen a Facebook group called "To see the funniest thing ever hold down alt + F4!"
Jokes on them, it doesn't work! Just closes the webpage...

Facebook was down for a while ....
I paniked and I phoned anyone from my list asking them
What are you people eating? How are your pets?
and How's the weather in your area?!

If I fancy a laugh, I hack into the voicemail messages at my local Samaritans.
Then delete a few.

You know who else puts his friends into circles?
Dante.

I posted on Facebook earlier " my wife is my best mate"
All my female friends were saying "oh that's so sweet" etc etc.
Its was only because she'd just put out a platter of sandwiches.. Calm down ladies.