I just saw a Facebook group called "Glasgows finest."
Apparently, even our finest don't have a firm grasp of proper punctuation.

I've realised that I have absolutely nothing of any use to offer, give or say to the world.
So I've joined Twitter.

Went to watch that new social networking film with my best mate the other day,
didn't catch all of it though, he kept poking me.

God never wanted any followers or else he would have been on Twitter.

I'm certainly no coward, if I've got something to say, I'll say it to your facebook!

I've still not really got the hang of Twitter.
I tend to share too much information with people and I wear my wife's knickers.

I don't want to see the pictures you took today of snow unless you're naked and rubbing it all over your nipples to get them hard.

"Facebook suggests you reconnect with Claire Stevens."
However, the restraining order suggests I don't.

Ooops. Just been on Facebook. Think I gave the game away that I'm a Sickipedian.
Someone posted that their friend has cancer and I replied, "I know how they feel, I've been choked up with the cold all week."
On the plus side, it's the most notifications I've ever had.

These social networking websites are brilliant, an even faster way to tell people im a sad loner and single.

Snow.
Turning 'status update', into 'weather update' since 29/11/10.

The Businessman Of The Year Award has just gone to the Sony executive who started a facebook campaign to have a race to be Christmas no1 by 2 records on the same label.
Genius!

Derron Brown uses a mixture of magic, psychology and misdirection to tell people intimate details about their lives having only just met them.
The rest of us use Facebook.

You know what I like best about the country I live in ?
The fact that I'm part of a community where I am completely surrounded by white people who were born in England.
Moving to the Costa Blanca was the best thing I ever did.

My friends facebook status was -
Callum Ellis My favourite position is the Kanye West. I stop her half way through and tell her Beyonc was better.
12 minutes ago Comment Like
CALLUM ELLIS you have been named and shamed, dont steal our jokes and say they are your own, this is what will happen if you do.

You know you don't have any friends when you're the first one to comment on your own facebook status.

My American friend, Karissa just posted this as her status on Facebook:
"KARISSA had a great afternoon with the girls, Krystal and Kayla!"
I couldn't help but wonder if the three of them spent the afternoon burning blacks and jews.

I've just changed my relationship status on Facebook to, 'it's complicated.'
It took me three hours.

Second Life - For those who don't have a First.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
A 14 year old.
A 14 year old who?
A 14 year old who steals jokes of this website then makes them into a Facebook group so I can't be funny one in my group any more.

My girlfriend left her Facebook account logged in earlier, so I had to 'Facerape her'.
Then I put some amusing stuff as her status.

Seeing as most of you are complaining about the new Facebook layout, I will take this opportunity to say they've done a great thing.
It's really good they let children with cerebral palsy design the new Facebook, they don't usually get many opportunities in life.

I wonder if the people of Alaska update their facebook status every time it snows.

Shall we have a Twitter strike as well? Just harnessing the momentum? "What do we want?" "More than 140 characters" "When do we want it?" "N

Isn't it funny that you can have over 200 friends on Facebook,, but still manage to find it hard to get someone to come out with you for a pint down the pub.