You can now use a new service on Twitter called Twitter With! Simply type TW followed by the relevant celebrity. For instance:
TW@piersmorgan

The last time I updated my status on Facebook, I posted it in Chinese.
9 people riked it.

SocialInterview.com asked me "What would say to an alien that spoke English?"
I answered ''You'll be a little out of place here in England.''

After reading the joke:
Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer". It turns out writing "my money is on cancer everytime" on the wall is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
How many of you went onto facebook searched for that group then posted that comment on the group... I know I did

Facebook...Helping boyfriends remember their girlfriends birthday since 2004

I love the new facebook.
Keeps recommending that I poke my friend's mum.

Great little prank for Facebook chat:
Click on anyone randomly and type
"I couldn't be bothered taking her to the abortion clinic, so I just did it myself"
Then type, "Oops sorry wrong convo!"
The responses are priceless!

Facebook Mobile - For when you having a poo and there's no reading material.

I am so sick of people bombarding me with their stupid Facebook and Twitter updates about every stupid thing they do
Any way I'm off for a poo
I've got a tape measure and some scales so I'll let you know how it goes

Twitter: The only way you can legally follow children.

I just found out today that I'm sentenced to four years in prison.
If anyone sees this, please go on my Facebook and change my relationship status to "it's complicated".

I just joined the group "Real men don't cheat on, lie to, or abuse woman" on Facebook but i had to leave after realising they didn't allow wall posts......I mean I only joined to inform them that "Real men get away with it".

Why are there no vampires on Facebook?
Because they can't take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror.

After continually poking my daughter while furiously masturbating, I've decided my Facebook addiction has got way out of hand.

Nothing screams "I love my kids" more than having them as your Facebook profile picture.
Yet when I do it I'm some sort of awful paedophile.

What's the point of facebook on Xbox?
It's like giving an African a knife and fork.

I just saw a group on Facebook saying, "My Girlfriend will marry me if 1,700,000 people join."
Does anyone else think that making a group that says, "If 2,000,000 people join I will give Maddie back," is a good way to get friends?

My wife told me I spend too much time on facebook,
so I poked her and liked her divorced status.

My girlfriend complained that i spend too much time on the internet, and that we haven't had a real conversation in ages.
I lol'd and told her to stfu.

I walked into a hotel today.
A bloke said "Are you here for the Twitter convention?"
I said "Yes."
He said "Follow me."

Just seen the Facebook group: "I wish my laptop had unlimited battery".
What, a plug?

Not a joke, just a quote from facebook on a "I love my Duvet" group.
Group: If your bed could talk what secrets would it tell?
Reply: I have no idea because I wouldn't be able to understand it ... My bed was made in China.

Twitter.
The ugly persons facebook.

So it's now acceptable to use the word 'Facebook' as a verb.
Well in that case, I just Sickipedia'd your daughter.

John Terry changed his relationship status to 'It's complicated'