Facebook - letting you know what time your friends kids woke them up since 2003

On the Sickipedia page on facebook, Nicholas McKirdy raises an important issue:
"Why has the Ban Sickipedia group got more members than this group? I never knew that many scousers can afford the internet."

As my wife lay on her death bed, I asked the doctor, "Well, any news yet?"
"No. You ask me that every 5 minutes."
"OK. Just let me know so I can update her Facebook status."

Oh dear. The eurozone's facebook page has changed its currency status from "single" to "it's complicated".

Blackberry have released Blackberry Messenger.
Or as everyone else calls it, Text messaging.

Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $10 billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the world has ever seen.

Facebook,
Helping you wash your dirty laundry in public since 2004

I went to see the Facebook film tonight but got chucked out of the cinema for poking a few random people and commenting everytime someone made conversation. I then follwed a women home but got arrested for writing graffiti on her wall.

I never understood why anyone would put "It's complicated" under their relationship status on facebook.
After going on Raoul Moat's facebook page i now understand

My girlfriend is having a baby, I'm kind of hoping its going to be downs syndrome
It might be a burden on me for its entire life, but It'll get hundreds of 'likes' for every photo on Facebook.

The social network for Graffiti Artists is Defacebook.

I've come to realize that if a Facebook profile picture has two people in it...
Then it always belongs to the uglier one.

I took a couple of photos for my Facebook and tagged the Mother-in-Law.
Sometimes it's great working in the morgue.

I poked my great grandma on facebook today.
Well,she was lying on my laptop.

All these England shirt profile pictures on Facebook are getting on my nerves
And people didn't see the funny side when I made mine as 'Bird', number 12.

Just saw this as somebody's status on Facebook:
Tonight at 9pm all of Facebook will have 5 minutes of silence which includes no posts, no comments and/or any other activity on the site. This will be done in remembrance of all the lives lost in Haiti's Earthquake this past week. If you agree please copy and post as your status and leave it there till after the moment of silence.
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I think this is a great idea! Maybe if we all keep quiet this whole earthquake thing will go away...

First Christmas without Jade Goody. Best Christmas I've ever had.
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Jack likes this

Do you ever get tempted to write 'Ahh fat booth, I love that app' every time a fat girl uploads a new profile pic?!

Nothing says i stole this joke from facebook quite like using the words "LOL JK" in one of your posted jokes.

All my friends were doing it, I thought I might as well, and that I might earn some popularity for it. But two weeks and a court date later, it seems I misunderstood what all the young people online mean by 'face-raping'.

Farmville has a new addition.
"(user) has found some fuel to share" with a nice cartoon of a white lady giving fuel to a black man...
Yes...share...im sure

Facebook: A mirror salesman's wet dream.

Just been on Facebook and these supposed "stories" are quite boring.
Hardly any dragons.

If I see another person with that new messenger app, I'm going to Kik them like they asked me too.

So just browsing torrents and this pop-up comes up:
"BE WARNED
They ARE NOT Attractive
They ARE Desperate
They ARE in your Area.
Meet Them."
It seems like dating websites are really clutching at straws now.