If you give a chimpanzee a computer it could type at random and eventually produce one of Shakespeare's plays.
If you give a black man a computer he would sell it for drugs.

Aaron Ramsey, now that's what I call a Deadly Strike.

Recent surveys show that 0% of the population lie when doing a survey.

Statistically, 1 in 3 burglars...
is an eBay PowerSeller.

They say one in five friends are alzheimer suffering murderers.
I don't know which one of my friends it is though, they've all gone missing recently.

Statistically, 122752 people out of 6113572 have O.C.D.

A recent survey suggests that most people choose their cars subconsciously, with fat people choosing rounder shaped cars, ugly people choosing weirder looking cars etc. etc.
Probably explains why my girlfriend just looked in the breakers yard at a car.
Its 10 years old & been smashed in the back end a couple of times.

In the news today apparently 50% of England"s schools are not teaching mathematics well enough, Doesn"t sound that bad to me, still less than a quarter.

England has a population of roughly 50 million~
5% of that 50 million are South Asians
Unemployment figures close to 2.5 million
Isn't the solution just staring you in the face, Gordon?

Whenever I go with a new girl I like to measure how wide they can open their legs.
I put the results on a spreadsheet.

Nearly 60% Africans living in Moscow have been the victim of racist attacks, a study says.
Anybody else think they should work harder to reach 100%?

Its been announced that 1/9 people in the UK have no qualifications
I'm guessing that'll be the people under 16

They say one in five friends lacks the creativity to make their own joke format..
Counts me out, I have no mates!

Statistically, 99% of luftballons float in a summer sky.

In a survey , approximately 22/7 obsessed people calculating Pi

According to official statistics, the average person laughs 13 times a day.
They've never visited Sickipedia...

Statistically, 2/4 waltzes are hard to dance to.

I've just had my house surveyed.
75% of the people I asked thought it was nice.

Statistics show 40% of people fail maths. I can proudly say I am in the other 74%.

Apparently 66% of people don't believe in fate.
I suppose if you don't believe in fate, That's just the way it was meant to be.

Statistically 1 in 4 hobbits are merry.

Mathematics is 90% common sense, the other half is intelligence.

9 out of 10 people believe that if there are ten people, one will always disagree with the other nine.

Apparently 50% of married people are unhappy.
Yeah, they are called men.

Statistics show 11/9 jokes about dyslexic Americans make people laugh.