Its been announced that 1/9 people in the UK have no qualifications
I'm guessing that'll be the people under 16

They say one in five friends lacks the creativity to make their own joke format..
Counts me out, I have no mates!

Statistically, 99% of luftballons float in a summer sky.

In a survey , approximately 22/7 obsessed people calculating Pi

According to official statistics, the average person laughs 13 times a day.
They've never visited Sickipedia...

Statistically, 122752 people out of 6113572 have O.C.D.

Statistically, 2/4 waltzes are hard to dance to.

I've just had my house surveyed.
75% of the people I asked thought it was nice.

Statistics show 40% of people fail maths. I can proudly say I am in the other 74%.

Statistically only 50% of a tiger actually works.
But wait there's more.
That half doesn't have any friends.

According to a recent survey by the Academy of Incomplete Research, nine out of ten

Statistics show that most Siamese twins are up for a threesome.

79% of accidents happen in the home. Finally, good news for the homeless.

Statistically, four in every five dolls are Russian.

Research shows that men speak 25,000 words a day and a women speaks 30,000 a day.
The problem is, after the husband comes home from work having consumed his 25,000 words the wife starts her 30,000.

9 out of 10 doctors agree that 10% of people with PhDs love to contradict their colleagues.

Statistics are a bit like mini-skirts - they give you ideas but hide the most important thing.

Hit me at 40 and there's an 80% I'll die. Hit me at 30 and there's an 80% chance I'll live.
I wonder how many kids they killed to get those statistics.

A lady on a train was reading a newspaper article about Life And Death Statistics.
Fascinated, she turned to the man sitting next to her and said, "did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?"
"Really?" he said, "have you tried mouthwash?"

I saw people drinking coffee in the service station at 2am.
Do they not read road safety campaigns?
1/5 of accidents are caused by people falling asleep at the wheel.
That means 4/5 are caused by people staying awake.
Theyre the real killers.

A report published by the Children's Society today shows that 4/10 disabled children in the UK are living in poverty.
I think that is disgusting, and is proof of everything that is wrong in this country.
That fraction could have been simplified to 2/5.

A recent survey states that the average UK citizen is less likely to perform the polite gesture of holding open a door for a stranger than 30 years ago.
I suspect the introduction of automatic doors around 30 years ago is partly responsible for the shocking lack of respect displayed by this generation.

A recent survey found that 97% of people wouldn't take part in a survey...

Statistically 9 out of 10 people are getting bored of the 'theres an app for that' jokes

Statisticly 60% of people end up in the bins outside after liposuction.