I was just reminiscing with my mates about when we all went to the clock museum.
Good times!

I've just crashed at eighty miles an hour into the office of a large financial advisors' company.
The car went straight through the window at the front, halfway through the building and came to rest at the Capital Investment desk.
If I was travelling eight miles an hour faster, I'd have gone all the way back to the Futures.

I was recently asked to name a couple of time periods, to which I answered "present and future".
The rest is history.

I've invented a time machine that automatically brings you back to the exact moment you left.
I'll just try it again to make sure.
Yep, it works.

My mate Dave said he had to give up his time machine experiments, he tried going back 10,000 years and then went forward 10,000 years in steps of a 1,000.
He said " I can't understand it, nothing ever changed! All the people and buildings just stayed the same."
I guess Africa wasnt the best place to run the tests afterall.

The inventor of the time machine has tragically died in a car crash, next week.

Raoul Moat has just been found by police. He was in Shannon Matthews's uncle's bed base!

The clocks go back tonight. Problem is, im not sure where they came from

I'm really into those oversized watches.
Big time.

I was reading the paper in the Barbers today.
Can't believe it's only 4 months till Christmas.

At the moment, I'm working at the clock disposal...
But to be honest, it's a waste of time.

A bloke stopped me in the street and asked if I had the correct time on me,
I replied "I'm sorry I haven't, my watch is five minutes slow."

I was the first in my family for the next 73 generations to successfully time-travel.

After getting a job at the clock factory, I asked my new boss:
"What hours will I do?"
He said, "Are you stupid? All 12 of them."

My boss said, "I thought you were going to set all of the clocks when you came in this morning?"
"Yes sorry." I replied, "I didn't have the time."

Americans have there dates the wrong way round...
maybe that's why they were late...

After years of searching, I finally worked out the meaning of clocks.
Well, it's about time.

My mate makes clocks in his shed as a hobby.
He clearly has too much time on his hands.

My new clock is simply amazing, it can actually count.
The last time I looked at it, it said 0123

01:00 to 02:00 this morning. Now there's an hour of my life I'll never get back.

I was walking through the park when a woman asked for the time.
So I looked at the the sun and said, "It's 8.45pm, miss."
She was so amazed she asked me out for a drink, I'll not tell her the sun was setting beside a clock tower.

I was driving to a football game with my wife when we saw a fan laying by the side of the road in a pool of blood.
As we got out of the car to help him my wife said, "Poor guy, I don't think he's going to make it."
"Yeah, it's tragic," I replied, "Kick off is in 30 minutes and he's still 10 miles from the ground.

I've already set my clock back, because I'd rather have the extra hour now,
While I'm awake to enjoy it.

You know you take too many drugs when your cat has a better sleeping pattern than you.

Yesterday I saw Back to the Future, and I got so influenced by the movie that I took my car on the road and drove it at maximum speed, trying to go back in time.
And, in a way, it worked. Thanks to the police, I was able to return to a time before I had my license.