When I was younger the radio always had the strange ability to take me places.
Mainly as we only had a radio in the car.

ME69 YOU will make a great registration plate in 2019

I was travelling to my mum's house earlier today, and I broke down on the way.
I hate that, crying on the train...

I like to pull over in my car, wind down the window and ask total strangers for directions to the Tomtom Head Office.

My car must be one of the most ecologically friendly cars on the planet.
I've lost the ignition key.

My mate asked whether I knew a way to travel around without using my own transport.
Gave him the thumbs up.

There I was, minding my own business, when boom. Woman driver.

In an attempt to get fitter, I've just gone and bought myself a new bike.
Just think of all the calories I'll be burning. Those kawasaki's are heavy and don't get themselves out of the garage you know.

I was standing alone in the middle of a park one day, thinking to myself about life and its mysteries... Then suddenly something struck me.
A woman driver.

I got talking to a woman and she asked me what my name was:
"Dennis"
"Oh really, did your parents like old fasioned names then?"
"Nah, they were fire engine enthusiasts"

1903 The Wright brothers make their first attempt to fly. But it's thwarted by a baggage handlers strike at Heathrow

I dont know why I fly with B.A.
All he does in the airport is sit there saying i aint getting on no plane, I pity the fool that tries to make me.

Have you seen the new A4?
It's only 10p a sheet....

I just read isaacjcksn's joke:
"I'm contemplating inventing a plane with no wings then selling it to British Airways.
I know what you're thinking; it'll never take off."
Look in the Atlantic ocean somewhere, you'll find it has already been invented.

Automatic transmission:
Because it's simply too complex for an American to comprehend gear changes.

The police stopped my today just because I was eating while driving.
To be fair, it was roast beef dinner, and I was carving the joint at the time.

At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn't know gave me anything.
Even the people I know don't give me anything.

"More black bus drivers!" David Cameron's idea of an intergrated transport system.

I hate taxi drivers
They always take people for a ride.

Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car, oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car.
Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall and torque is how far you take the wall with you.
All of this of course I have taught my wife in preparation for her driving test next Tuesday.

Facebook group: "I'm sick of you men telling us that women are bad drivers.
How many of you can do 90mph in the fast lane of a motorway whilst putting on mascara?"
That's the hard shoulder love.

A businessman was having real trouble getting a very heavy and lumpy bag onto the aircraft and into the overhead compartment. It took two stewards to help him, and once it was up and secure one steward asked breathlessly 'Do you always travel with such heavy and awkward luggage?' He replied 'Oh no, sometimes it's my turn to be in the bag...'

I think deploying the army to help Olympic security may be a ploy to help us win more medals. Our record with foreigners, armed security and the London underground, isn't the best around.

Whilst we were driving home I was trying to show my wife the correct use of the throttle.
It's by far the best way to shut the kids up.

My friend went for a run today and got killed by a careless driver. Runways have such a misleading name.