I'm really good at drawing ninjas......
I'm a very talented martial artist.

Smokey Robinson has today stated that he will never again speak to extreme Goths.
I second that Emo shun.

I got myself a lovely brand new pair of boots.
My wife asked "Are they Clarks' Shoes?"
"No, they're mine."

"Welcome back to the second half of the S&M championship.
So Far, both teams are tied."

What do you call a girl who wears cheap clothes and thinks she's all that?
A primark donna

"I wear a lot of Axe body spray.
But I live in a black neighbourhood and it's called ask body spray."

A blind man asked me out last night, but I said I was seeing someone.

I recieved a letter from someone accusing me of racial prejudice and asking for hush money.
That'll be a black male attempt.

I've just invented a vaccine that prevents racism.
I'm calling it an Enochulation.

Whenever I'm feeling ill, I like to curl up in front of a black & white movie.
Mainly because I'm off colour.

There's been some strange news about charged particles recently.
Im gonna keep my ion it.

No mail for 3 weeks now.
Think my Postman's got the sack.

I once knew this really emotional delivery driver.
Used to take everything the wrong way.

I went to see the doctor the other day because I couldn't stop writing symbolist poetry. Turns out I have a yeats infection.

Kevin Smith is actually called Kevin-Bob Smith, but the Bob is silent.

I panicked playing poker last night when I had a full house.
I was going to have nowhere near enough chairs.

All of my pokemon cards were destroyed in a fire...
I only have ash now.

They reckon Oxygen's going to be the next big thing.
I just can't see it myself.

The best thing about exclamation marks is that you can use them to hide how truly alone and depressed you really are!!!

I watched the Angelos Epithemiou Dvd with my Wife today and I found it very moving.
I moved to another room.

I used to be in a band called the Elastic bands, but it didn't work out.
We thought we were bigger than we were and ended up splitting.

The doctor at the abortion clinic explained how they carry out a procedure that uses an electrical vacuum to suck out the foetus and the placenta.
I guess it must be a Dyson.

How do you make a Sharpe salad? With some Sean beans...

"Zooey" is a silly name, but she's actually the lucky one. Just ask her sisters, Theme Parkey Deschanel and Tourist Attractioney Deschanel.

I strongly believe that England should introduce the death penalty......
It would make Englands world cup hopes a lot more interesting.