Its safe to say there has been an overdose of Amy Winehouse jokes.

To brew a funky beer, you need hip hops.

The causes of failed pregnancies are often a misconception.

I've heard it said by women that us men keep our brains in our pants..... Well,women blow my mind.

I keep being called a paedophile in my local area, all because I wink at young children.
Maybe I'm not playing 'Tiddlywinks' correctly.

I've drawn Phil Taylor in the first round of the darts.... It's a pretty good likeness i think.

I was chatting to my mate earlier when he said, "My neighbours got a lovely doberman, I wouldn't mind one."
"pinscher?" I asked.
"No, I can't do that, he lives next door." he replied.

My new girlfriend and I are going to sleep together tonight for the first time. Fingers crossed she can take 4 fingers...
...but if I uncross them I can get a fist up there.

I was out walking the dog when I saw my new boss playing golf. So wanting to make a good impression, I saw his ball near the hole and I shouted to him in the distance "Is this ball yours?"
He said yes so I picked it up and threw it him back.

It took me a week to tell my girlfriend that I tested positive for HIV.
My stutter must be getting worse.

I finally gave up wearing my smoking jacket. mainly because of the patches on the elbows.

I've been doing allsorts recently.
Although, i'm not partial to liquorice.

I've had a new phone and lost my contacts.
The phones quite good but I cant see a thing.

what do you called a lemon that helps..
lemonade

Positivity is a definite no-no.

I made my girlfriend my wallpaper but she didn't have enough skin for me to finish.

Walked into a nightclub toilet to get some condoms. The machine there only sold fragrance-free condoms but it was out of odour.

Just finished reading a book about podiatry.
The footnotes were excellent.

I've just been arrested for grooming several kids.
The farmer took exception to the hairstyle I gave his baby goats apparently.

Who's that gorgeous girl?
-- Her? She changes her boyfriend almost every day!
Oh! Gets around a bit, does she?
-- No. He's incontinent.

I asked my wife to pick the car up from the garage as I was working and she actually did.
Perhaps I mistook all that fat for muscle.

There are three farmers in front of you. Which one will be able to supply you with drugs?
Farmer C.

They say What comes around goes around
I've been trying it for weeks

I've just noticed Ocypete, Aello and Thyella on my scrotal sack.
I think I've caught the Harpies.

I'm the best at sponsored silences, if I don't say so myself.