Stephen Hawking has found a new love and she is just like him.
I can see the connection.

When I was in school I always hated resistant materials.
Mostly tasers and mace, they hurt the most.

Dear, Lonely Hearts.
Body builder, seeks electrifying time.
Dr. Frankenstein.

I used to drink strongbow with my mate dave, but then he got killed by an arrow...

I've just applied for a job at Royal Mail.
I think I'll get the post.

A guy came into my gym today.
I couldn't believe it.
I never thought Jim would ever cheat on me.

My girlfriend has been taking a lot of smack recently.
And a fair old bit of kick and punch.

"I want a sperm doner"
My local takeaway do weird doner kebabs.

I see an awful lot of 'My wife is fat jokes' ....
I'm going to make a conscious effort to thin mine out now.

Give your wife a head start on her way to 5 a day
Push her down the Apples and Pears

My wife used to just nod and smile at my Bukkake jokes, mainly because she didn't know what it meant ...
But then one day, it hit her.

Did you hear about that 85 year old woman who fell through the floor boards of a fruit shop.
At least she didn't fall down the apples and pears.

Men have larger shoulders than women, broadly speaking.

Factory-farmed salmon have been identified by scientists as containing potentially harmful levels of PCBs and dioxins.
They're always sneaking things into salmon.
Like the L.

I remember an R.E lesson back when I was at school.
The teacher asked ' Does anyone know what a rabbi is?'
Idiot. Every eight year old knows what the plural for rabbit is.

I remember an R.E lesson back when I was at school.
The teacher asked ' Does anyone know what a rabbi is?'
Idiot. Every eight year old knows what the plural for rabbit is.

Can a bald person have a hairline fracture ?

When trying on new clothes i go to a different cubicle every time. This is because i like changing rooms.

I just sold my friend into the slave trade.
Owned.

My wife tried to observe a minute's silence this morning, but I couldn't see it happening.

Since my wife left me, I've become a bitter man.
Got bored of Lager

What is the Vietnamese national table tennis team called?
The Viet Pong

BBC Sport: "Carroll to start against France"
You know Christmas is approaching when the racist chants get festive

I wonder what the gender of the word hermaphrodite is in french?

There are people who believe the earth is a square on every corner of the globe