The predominant symptom is usually severe fatigue and malaise following mental or physical activity. The full extent of this exhaustion often becomes apparent only 24 to 48 hours after the activity. Other symptoms include muscle, brain and central nervous system tiredness...
but anyway, that's enough about ME

My wife just told me she's leaving me, she said "you never take anything seriously, life is just one big joke to you!"
I stood there for a while with a shocked look on my face.
And replied "I don't get it"

Lately, people have been judging me on my profile.
But that's only one side of me.

Becoming notorious gangsters in London during the 1950s and 60s was the thing to do.
Back then it just happened to be the craze.

My mate asked me to put on the spread for his wedding today.
I turned up naked covered in fish paste.

I've just had a horrible feeling.
I was groped by a fat slag

My mate shoved a piece of paper with a dotted scissor line in my face.
I said, "Cut it out."

BBC News: Taliban chief says victory close
second on the left Mr taxi man sir?

What do you call tents that can't be erected?
Impotents !

Did you hear about the sneaky butcher?
He takes his meat in the back door.

My grandma has taken to wearing a red cloak, eating porridge & climbing beanstalks.
She's quite a character..

They've recently opened a ladies only nightclub in my town.
Well I say nightclub, it's actually more of a whine bar.

Are babies born from sperm donors technically hand made?

'It's so small....' she says.
'I've seen similar things that will do the same job, but bigger' my wife moans.
'I can get the whole thing in my mouth without even trying'.
I wish yacult would just make a bigger bottle so she'd shut up

'It's so small....' she says.
'I've seen similar things that will do the same job, but bigger' my wife moans.
'I can get the whole thing in my mouth without even trying'.
I wish yacult would just make a bigger bottle so she'd shut up

Don't let life get in the way of your dreams
go back to bed.

I was going to start a buisness selling balloons.
Unfortunatly the idea burst.

I work at the Lost Luggage office at Manchester Airport.
All my enquiries are dealt with on a case by case basis.

The wife woke up gagging this morning.
I said "I don't know, why did the chicken cross the road?"

My wife has left me for good after watching too many Clint Eastwood films.
Well rather him than the bad or the ugly.

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.

There are 2 types of people in the world: those who finish what they started,

My haircut cost 20p but they charged extra for use of scissors, product and use of toilet.
It was the ryanhair cut

There's nothing I like more than ringing up Dominoes asking for a 10-incher and seeing the delivery guys face when I'm naked, waiting for him at the door.

Sum people enjoy maths