I've just defused a black guys afro.
They're trying anything to smuggle explosives on planes nowadays.

Just started work at the glue factory and already I'm starting to bond with my workmates.

The fire alarm went off at the local hospital last night. It was the only thing I could think of which used the same type of batteries as my toy lightsaber.

If a guy comes up to you telling you his name is 'Hype'...
Don't believe him.

I was so bored at work today I was climbing the walls,
it does get quite tedious being a rock climbing instructor sometimes.

My friend lives in a cave and asked me to buy him a chocolate bar ... So I did, but when I get back to him he starts moaning at me. Couldn't hear what he was saying though because of the echo.

I have no idea where my girlfriend is coming from the majority of time.
Thats probably why she wants to break up.

I've had no luck in starting up my hide and seek adventure holiday's business, I just can't find anyone to help.

BBC News: Libyan City Key in Future.
Couldn't they just fight over another city while a new one is cut?

BBC News: Libyan City Key in Future.
Couldn't they just fight over another city while a new one is cut?

Round Robin.
It's aged Batman's obese sidekick.

I was telling the police about how my wife was killed while we were on holiday in Spain
"Granada?" they asked.
"No just a gas explosion" I replied.
Can't catch me out that easily

The one rule of the Monarchs club is that one rules

I wrote a book on Silence. You probably haven't heard about it.

An architect wrote down and drew out a design for a new building. He then decided to take a break and went for a cup of tea. However, when he arrived back at the place where he'd left his design, he found it wrapped in a shiny, aluminium cover.
His plan had been foiled.

I've organised a church bazaar but can't find the keys to unlock the gates. I'm in trouble now. My fete is sealed.

BBC News: "Lennon celebrated on anniversary of death"
Well the dead do party hardest...

I always get confused when I see a sign at the side of a country road with a picture of a deer. How do they know they're supposed to cross there?

Surely there should be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

Well I'm feeling quite optimistic about my pessimism.

My mate burst in and shouted "Help me! If I start acting in a wacky manner, this collar around my neck will explode"
I said "Don't be silly"

I've just been organising my local village fete. Booking that town crier was a good shout

My girlfriend asked me if i could act out a word that had all the vowels in alphabetical order. She didn't appreciate my efforts, and stormed out, saying "There's no need to be facetious!"

I've started a new trend of defacing long-necked animals with spray paint.
I call it giraffiti.

Acupuncture, Is there any point?