I love these jokes about the depeche mode.
I just can't get enough.

I got into a fight on a ski slope.
It started with a push and then things just snowballed.

I have a foot fetish.
Anything measuring exactly 12 inches really turns me on.

I don't see why being colorblind should hold me back. I'm still a normal person who goes to work and pays the bills. Looking forward to my new job on Monday actually, bomb disposal has always interested me

I was browsing the internet when a message popped up requiring me to upgrade my flash.
So I threw away my trench coat and bought a cashmere instead.

My aids have became so bad over these last couple of weeks even the simplest of tasks are impossible too carry out.
Maybe I should fire them.

Which king of England was the easiest to persuade?
William the Concurer

Last week at football we lost 10-0, so this week I turned up in my bulldozer.
That leveled the playing field.

I was on my way into work this morning and every 60 seconds I saw Matt Damon
I guess there is one Bourne every minute.

My son and daughter were fighting over which one of them gets to eat the last slice of pizza. I ran over, knocked them both aside and devoured it myself.
Felt it was my duty to keep the piece.

What's the best way to get across the middle east?
Is road? Is air? Is rail......

Just wrote a beautiful song on my guitar.
Though now i'm wishing i wrote it on some paper.

I hate being asked if I've had any "past experience." Is there any other kind?

Dont you hate it when people use apostrophe's incorrectly?

I got that warm and fuzzy feeling today.
In my defence, the toilet was too far away from the pool.

I've created a new fom of martial art. In it, you attack your opponent using various pieces of computer equipment.
It's called Fujitsu.

I was out sailing the other day when all of a sudden a load of meat floated past me.
It was a bit choppy.

I cut some woman up at the traffic lights today.
The autopsy department at the hospital have sacked me for gross misconduct.

Walked into a room the other day and saw six armed Buddhas.
And I thought Buddhism was all about peace...

My wife was doing the laundry when she asked if i had any darks to go in the wash.
So i called in Jemal from the cotton field.

I was going down the street in my sedan chair, hoisted aloft by 4 porters. When I thought,
"Since that lotto win, I've really let myself get carried away".

I felt like having a light snack earlier, so I made a beacon sandwich.

I'm writing a book about the wonders of blood. However, in the next chapter I'm going to talk about the dangers of platelet disorders.
The clot thickens.

Just saw a picture of the worlds largest egg, that'll take some beating.

I made it my life's mission to bring justice to the Palestinian people.
But by the time I got there it had all melted.