Sky News : 'At Least 12 Die In China Factory Blast'.
There must have been plates, cups and bowls everywhere.

Sky News: OAP used RAF move to stop Robber.
He must have flown at him.

I met a soap star today.
It was the woman from the Dove adverts.

I predict that one day, speaking clocks will rule the world .... only time will tell.

I got accused of stealing the mugs at work
Why would I do it? Its just not my cup of tea

I reduced the wife to tears last night.
I took away her scissors.

I boned my wife while she was asleep last night.
You should have seen her face when she woke up this morning and found she'd been completely filleted.

So Russel Crowe challenged an Australian newspaper columnist to a cycle duel, and lost.
He still beat her!

I really would kill to be a necrophiliac.

3 Nails + 1 Cross = 4 Given

As the inventor of the wheel always said.
"Thats the way I roll."

Asking questions to Afghan people in my town and recording the answers with a simple chart is no longer allowed,
There's a taliban.

Which part of a man grows and grows the more you stroke it?
His ego.

I hate it when people end a sentence with a question, dont you?

I just found that lost thesaurus and I am unambiguously rhapsodic!

I was interested to see a whole Colombian football team had been murdered by a group of left-wing guerrillas.
The prime suspects have been identified as Samuel Eto'o, Didier Drogba and Shaun Wright-Phillips.

Went to a Chinese book store the other day, but couldn't find the book I wanted.
It was only on my way out I noticed that it was the Wong Foo Kin Book Store.

I became disillusioned when I was kicked out of the Magic Circle.

Im just going to post a few Christmas letters this year.
C R and S.....

I'm so boring that even Smarter Child doesn't want to talk to me.

Typical. I just copped off with the office bike and she's on her cycle.

I just can't stop visiting vice girls, they've got a grip on me.

The weather agrees with my racism
Its pure white out there!

I went to the bank where I saw a group of people stood in a circle with a few trailing off in the corner
They were forming an orderly Q

I woke up yesterday and I can't explain it, but I felt like I was a meadow all day - it was horrible.
Today is much better - I'm having a field day.