Irish people like their deodorant to be sure.

I always enjoy steaks as rare as possible....
Which is why I love hunting snow leopards every january.

I asked my mate where he went on his summer holidays, 'Room 32b, Waikiki resort, Hawaii'
I said, 'that's very Pacific'

I bought a pair of trousers the other day which were a bit tight around the waist so I decided to let them out.
I should have waited till they got used to the place. They've been gone four hours now and think they're lost.

How many divorced women does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb, Three to form a support group.

I tried to add a lens to my camera but it didn't pan out.

I've been quite addicted to using Magazine names in my Jokes.
but Look, I'm OK, Now.

I've been quite addicted to using Magazine names in my Jokes.
but Look, I'm OK, Now.

I was working at a sport equipment factory the other day and I got told off by my supervisor.
Apparently I was making a racket.

I dedicate my life to fighting poverty.
It was only this morning I punched a tramp in the face.

"Daddy, are we getting a new Kitchen fitted?"
"No mate, why are you asking?"
"I heard Mummy telling Uncle John he could
smash her Back Doors in tommorow night"

Took a chemistry test earlier. The first question was: 'Which type of elements have ions?'
Apparently 'the female ones' isn't an impressive answer.

I went for a job interview at the Hi Fi factory today.
They turned me down.

The cream I just had with my coffee wasn't as 'brill' as the tub said.

I've had a tattoo done of Osama Bin Laden just above my left hand.
I call it my terrorwrist.

Man, I'm such a bad cook. I was going to bake a cake, but I don't think I can whisk it.

A bald man is wanted for stealing a bottle of Regaine.
He`s keeping an eye out for the fuzz.

My dictionary angered me last night.
So today we're going to have words.

Needle is worried about cotton being ill.
But he's sure he'll pull through.

Traffic Police Woman:
Not a profession, but the bullet points of my witness statement.

I considering moving into a castle......... It's just a fort though.

Just been thrown out of my local chess tournament. I was bashing the bishop.

Just been thrown out of my local chess tournament. I was bashing the bishop.

I've decided to take up my new roll as a toilet attendant.

The cake I just made's really boastful.
Guess I shouldn't have used self-praising flour.