The Recession is the least of my worries.
I'm starting to get a bald patch at the back as well.

I recently had a picture taken of me and my wife.
I was quite flattered but at the same time I'm not quite sure why somebody would want to steal something with her face on.

Statistically 99% of expecting couples in Brisbane are praying for a buoy.

My mate just asked me what my pulse rate was.
"70 pence for a tin of kidney beans." I replied.

I went to a holiday park in Wales with my family, but the friction between us all was shocking.
Thats the last time I stay in a static caravan.

Guy 1: "I've just stolen a pool inflatable and I think the police are after me, what should I do?
Guy 2: "Lie low?"
Guy 1: "Nah it was a rubber ring"

I have been diagnosed with an illness that turns me into a mechanical killing machine programmed to go back in time to kill Sarah Connor.
Hopefully I'll get over it with a bit of determination.

I have been diagnosed with an illness that turns me into a mechanical killing machine programmed to go back in time to kill Sarah Connor.
Hopefully I'll get over it with a bit of determination.

If seal is broken... Please inform the zoo keeper.

If seal is broken... Please inform the zoo keeper.

My Son said he was too ill to go to school this morning.
I looked at him and noticed that his head was all pointy with snow on top.
I had to admit he did look peaky.

Dead bodies at crime scenes
That's where I draw the line

I was in the hardware shop earlier and there was a sign up that read "Paint reduced to clear".
Why would I buy that then?

The organisers of the Berlin Marathon have announced a 100% total ban on any suspected drug use.
Not the first time the Germans have wanted a pure race

I used to make a living by drawing fishermen, until I was accused of cheating when someone found traces of seamen in my boat.

French is not my Forte.

I hear the new Ferrari 599 GTO can do 0-60mph in 3.35 seconds flat.
I'd love to see what it's capable of when the tyres are pumped up.

Robgreenophobia - Fear of spherical objects

Herald Sun: Police searching for guitar possibly used as the weapon that bludgeoned a woman.
I guess it's instrumental in her death

I dropped some spam during a BBQ in my garden, onto the path.
So, I flagged it.

My daughter asked me to define innuendo.
I said that's a hard one.

The Klingon word for vegetable spread is sak'tagh. I can't believe it's not b'tah.

I've heard rumours that an evil scientist has spliced genes from Bond villains Blofeld and Oddjob. He's hoping to produce an evil BloJob.

Aplan ,
I love it when A Plan comes together

I carry my mate Patrick around on my back all the time and it feels quite good.
A Pat on the back works wonders.