After researching this site I have found that Racism and Wordplay are the top two rated categories.
Obama's a Sambo.

"You don't take our relationship seriously, it's over!" my wife told me.
"Finish your sentence, over", I replied into my cup and string.

I've got a new bit on the side.
I just hope it's not cancerous.

I really like the word 'frequently,' I try and use it as often as I can.

I asked my dad today if he knew the name of that yeast extract that you either love or hate.
"Marmite," He said.
"Okay," I replied, "I'll go and ask her."

I saw an optical illusion once, it was a picture of a man who looked like he was moving but he actually wasn't.
He just had a removal van parked outside.

What starts in E and ends in E but only contains one letter?
An envelope.

For her birthday, my wife said she wanted a locket.
I didn't even know she had a sore throat.

If you're not getting it your own way, don't use reverse psychology.
Or do.

Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
Because her lipstick.

My wife always tries to lose weight..... But it always finds her.

I was invited to a red carpet premier last night.
My ginger girlfriend wanted me to lick her out for the first time.

I've read about a third of a dictionary now but I'm still only on 'Introduction'.

As I approached the banana skin lying on the pavement, I felt no fear.
I was wearing my Slipknot T-shirt.

I got in the car with my drug dealer the other day.
He drove around slowly, before picking up speed.

My daughter screamed when I did her hair up in pigtails.
She doesn't want to visit the abattoir again.

Noone wins man of the match for Brighton.
They could've at least given it to somebody!

There are a few hoodies in my wardrobe.
I'll let them out when they give me my phone back.

I have a habit of sleeping in too late and missing work, so my doctor recommended that I sleep in a herb garden.
At first it sounded odd, but I did wake up on thyme.

I cut the head off a chicken earlier. Five minutes later he was still running around like a very poor football clich.

MSN News : 'Post-Mortems To Take Place On Flat Children'.
What's the point, they were obviously squashed.

I met a Dutchman yesterday with sat-nav shoes. He never ever gets lost.
Clever clogs.

I'm in love with an eel - that's a moray.

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Taking the step out of Stephen Hawking.

I've been tempted to ring the police as I've just been watching a horrible raping.
It's live on SkySports 1 now.