Pocket
Pulling
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It's so annoying when people post lynx on here.

There's something I don't like about using touch screen technology
I just can't put my finger on it.

I know a girl by the name of Jenna Taylor, who refuses to communicate by email.
I can't understand why. She would get such friendly service from a Hotmail account everytime she logged on:
"Good morning. You have mail Jenna Taylor".
Oh wait...

I hate it when I drink so much that I lose all sense of erection.

I've decided I want to donate all my organs...
I've always prefered pianos to be honest

Got a job measuring Cadbury's hot chocolate powder.
It's only temporary.
I'm weighing up the Options.

Amidst a bitter divorce, me and the ex can't even decide who gets the Ambrosia.
It's a custardy battle.

The wife says that my constantly demanding to know what she's spending my money on is perverted.
Eh?
I'm not perverted, just buy-curious.

My mate says he hates dodgem cars and coconut shies.
Which is a fair comment.

There seems to be a worldwide hatred developing for a certain film company.
In fact, it's Universal.

I asked the waiter for a rare steak.
When it arrived I said "I asked for rare, this is well done!"
"Thank you" he replied "The chef usually overcooks them".

My wife puts the cup in cupboard.
Because I tell her to.

Ryan Giggs puts the 'winger' in 'swinger'

The ironic thing about flat mates,
...is that they're also 3D mates.

Why did the unwashed midget cross the road and then cross back again?
He was a low-down, dirty double-crosser.

I see that the Belly Dancer on Britain's Got Talent reached the semi's.
I have to say, watching her gave me more than a semi...

My mates have started calling me 'Snow'.
I'm white, lots of people hate me, and schools often close when I'm around.

I've just started selling bags of washing powder around my estate to idiots who believe that it's cocaine.
Its a Bold move.

The wife, annoyed, asked our son, "How often do you lose pieces for your Scalextric?"
"Don't know," he replied, "I've lost track."

Two elephants were having a chat. One said to the other "You know my dad was in showbiz?"
"Oh yeah?" the other replied.
"Yep, he was a piano".

When you have friends come for dinner, it's a very different evening if you add an apostrophe...

BBC are releasing a new programme on BBC3: Siamese Ducks
They're starting with a double bill.

News : 'Man Utd Player Pulled From Burning Car'.
He must have the gift of the gab with the ladies.

I had to deliver some packages to an apartment block in Chinatown today.
It was Wong on so many levels.

I'm never buying milk from an Asian shop again.
Yesterday it went off.
On the Tube.