Wordplay Joke

We asked 100 people if they could mime watching a game of tennis.
They all said no.

Wordplay Joke

Ortographobia is the fear of spelling mistakes.
That name's tempting fate a bit I think...

Wordplay Joke

I used to post loads of jokes about wood.....
But I'm starting to run out of material.

Wordplay Joke

I'll tell you who isn't playing FIFA 12, and that's Richard Dawkins.
He's a Pro-Evolution man.

Wordplay Joke

I went up to Mr. T and said, "I'm going to cook you a dessert."
He said, "Try fool!"
I said, "No, strawberry cheesecake, actually."

Wordplay Joke

My friend asked me to come up with Eleven jokes about Wimbledon.
I think Tennis enough.

Wordplay Joke

Do Americanisms lose something and sound less cool when you use them in England?
Well, that's the 652,848 question.

Wordplay Joke

There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland.
I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.

Wordplay Joke

People who confuse the metaphorical and the factual make my head literally explode.

Wordplay Joke

I was in a band called 'Screw Cap'.
You may have seen us on Top of the Pops.

Wordplay Joke

My dog kept chasing people on a bike.
So we took his bike off him.
Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day.
So we gave him his bike back.
Because his bark was worse than his bike.

Wordplay Joke

'Are your relatives in business?'
'Yes - in the iron and steel business'
'Oh, indeed?'
'Yes - me mother irons and me father steals'

Wordplay Joke

I before E except after C .....tell that to a Scientist

Wordplay Joke

I struggled to lift a bottle of water earlier.
It was an Evian.

Wordplay Joke

My friend was telling me his son accidentally drowned while on holiday in the Ukraine.
Oh, Crimea River!

Wordplay Joke

This guy was having a go at me today for breaking a CD of his.
So I ripped him a new one.

Wordplay Joke

Selling an Xbox game online, just got a message asking why I've put collection only due to size and weight?
I said I'm morbidly obese and can't get to the post office.

Wordplay Joke

A dodgy looking fellow came up to me and said, "You see all this cocaine? It can all be yours for a special price."
"Forget it," I replied, "There's no way I'm kidnapping Jordan's son."

Wordplay Joke

A Freudian slip is one where you say one thing but mean a mother.

Wordplay Joke

Just thought of a great owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.

Wordplay Joke

George Bush has just announced that the floods in New Orleans are believed to be the work of a suicide plumber from Iraq.

Wordplay Joke

Shortbread... They're not making it any longer

Wordplay Joke

Corrugated roofs.
They're groovy.

Wordplay Joke

All the threes... 33.
One and six... Sweet 16.
Unlucky for some... 9/11.

Wordplay Joke

I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:
"What strange religion do they belong to?"