Windows.
Such a pane.

Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lit match.
They want to catch him before he strikes again.

I was playing Scrabble and put down S-P-A-S-T-I-C.
Got a cripple word score for that.

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.

Osama was found today: talk Abbotabad place to hide!

The best thing about being single is sleeping around.
You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours: left, right, middle, whatever.

I'll never predict the future.

I was having dinner with Mr T and he said, "Don't talk with your mouth full!"
I said, "How else would I talk? And I ain't no fool."

My Dad loves The Beatles and has all but one of the original L.P. records with autographed sleeves. I think he needs Help.

Well the judge said that from now on I can only see my children with supervision.
I said why, how far away will they be?

I can't understand why my new automatic Glade air freshener doesn't work even though I've just put brand new batteries in it.
It doesn't make scents.

Try braking, it gives your driving a bit of 00mph.

I've just been banned from an online fashion forum.
Apparently my threads weren't cool enough.

A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Have you been served?"

I was being interviewed for a job at McDonald's. "An obvious example is Simon Cowell," I said. "His are approximately two inches below his nipples."
Puzzled, the interviewer asked, "What on earth are you talking about?"
"You asked me to talk about high jean levels," I replied.

I just received my award for builder of the year 2011.
All because I drill like a bosch.

I was taking the motorway out of London the other day. A policeman pulled me over and said: 'Put it back'.

There's nothing unique about today's date...
My German wife has been screaming it for years.

As a child I enjoyed reading "Spot The Dog".
They were a lot easier than "Where's Wally".

My mate finally finished writing his book about cooking with herbs. It's about thyme.

I accidentally dropped a piece of paper into a rockery. Utter carnage. The rocks never stood a chance.

I've decided to take the day off today.
I'm just going to call it to.

A dress of Amy Winehouse sold for 43,200 today.
That sounds excessive, but you have to remember a lot of needlework went into it.

News: British man loses leg after ignoring shark warning.
Bet he's kicking himself now.

I travel the land,
Asking rides from kind strangers:
I'm a hitchhaiku.