Pro-Gbagbo TV station called for people to mobilise against what it called a French '"occupation".
How is attacking smelly waiters going to help?

Im going to fire up the Barbie later.
Just have to get her off my daughter first.

Headline:'World's fattest man dies'.
Now on a lighter note...

BBC NEWS: Man charged with Hong Kong murder.
I can only express my disgust, phooey!

Why were two astronauts complaining after coming out of a bar on the moon?
Because there was no atmosphere..

I am kicking myself I did not take up karate earlier.

I'd had a big pub lunch, and 4 pints of lager with it. I told the girlfriend I was going for a siesta.
She said "Ooh, I love ice cream. Get me one."

"I'm at breaking point" my wife said.
"Snap" I replied.

They say honesty is the best policy.
To be honest I don't agree

BBC NEWS Headline: Town overrun by bins.
What a load of rubbish.

I'm fascinated by social epidemics.....
....though maybe, its just a fad.

I was sent home from work in January with extreme flatulance.
Took the wind right out of my sales.

I swore at someone in French this morning.
After that I punched someone in Maths and smashed a desk up in History.

My doctor thinks I'm mentally unstable.
That's crazy.

Latvians litter local landscape
A litter nation

I haven't been feeling well lately.
Doctors say it's normal for a man with no arms.

I found being an electrician interesting but the work was shocking

"What sort of sick joke is this?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you wanted it categorised."

Just to ram it home to Simon Cowell, I just hope 'The Force' is with Gamu giving her the Christmas number one. It should be ..
She's a little on the dark side.

I sold a car to the Six Million Dollar Man once.
Must have been a bargain.
He almost ripped my arm off.

I was gonna tell a joke about a silver nugget, a lump of iron and piece of coal walking into a bar,
But it's Ore-full

"Hi Mum, I've got somebody else on the line. Can I call you back?"
She knows I work a double shift as a tightrope walker on Fridays.

I've just developed a new knife that allows the user to alter sharpness.
It's cutting edge technology.

An electrician was arrested after a brawl in the pub last night.
He was eventually discharged.

Why couldn't the Captain's girlfriend see?
He came in the Birdseye.