Obama really should have thought his next campaign through a little bit more,
The
War
Against
Terrorism

'I've got a new job with the World Health Organisation.'
'Who?'
'That's the one.'

When decorators are waiting for their paint to dry, how do they describe how boring it is?

Just got back from the annual atheist beach party weekend, it was crazy.
Oh the things I saw, I was like O.M. .

arggh! cant think of a catchy name for my freshly-made lemonade stall. FML

Taking The Sun's
England
Algeria
Slovenia
Yanks
formula.
How about the tournament of love for the final four?
Holland
Uruguay
Germany
Spain
Alternatively, the tournament of hate.
Germany
Uruguay
Netherlands
Spain
Either way, it ends in pain!

What we say, and what we actually mean.
lol = I didn't smile but I do appreciate the humour of the event in question.
rofl = I smiled a tiny bit, and I also made a strange noise from my nose.
lmao = I smiled, and made that strange noise again, this time in a higher pitch.
omgroflmao = I actually laughed.

Does anyone know what the acronym g2g means?
Everytime I ask someone they just make an excuse to leave.

My son came over to me and asked, "Dad, how do you spell diarrhoea?"
I replied, "I don't know son, but Doesn't It Always Run Really Horribly Over Each Ankle!"

If England thought their group was
E ngland
A lgeria
S lovenia
Y anks
...Then they might as well pack their
B razil
A rgentina
G ermany
S pain.

When someone next says to you "See You Next Tuesday" ie C.U.N.T. acronym which is quite offensive -
Reply "Tuesday, Wednesday And Thursday" ie T.W.A.T. acronym! You'll have the last laugh!

Step one: Buy a sheep.
Step two: Name it "Relation".
Now you have a relationsheep.

I've been attending Acronym Anonymous meetings recently. Or as I like to call it AA.
I'm not making a lot of progress.

Anyone else in the UK noticed the new Tango slogan...
Tango
With
Added
Tango
Now look at the left column of letters...

Teacher: "Lana, can you spell you name backwards please?"
Student: "yes sir"
Teacher: "do you?"