my dog just sat on my keyboard and came out with the next twighlight book.

Im writing a book on Indian curries.
Its naan-fiction.

Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

I'm still awaiting the arrival of my new book from Ebay, 'How To Avoid Internet Scams'.

My wife's been saying she'd love to meet a real-life Mr Grey.
Stupid cow should've paid more attention when we watched Reservoir Dogs.

I've just read the Civil Service Staff handbook.
It's called "50 Grades of pay"

Twinings have recently developed a new erotic breakfast tea, Fifty Shades Of Earl Grey.

Most '50 Shades Of Grey' jokes on record.
I blame a wet July.

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with books?
They both look worse with broken spines.

I'm about to release my new book on joblessness soon.
Still needs work though.

Going to have to keep a very close eye on my tatty old dog with the missus,After all he is 50 shades of grey.

The Black Guy to English dictionary #1;
"Awwwww sheit!"
- Oh dear, there appears to be something wrong

While Stephen King suffered from writer's block he inadvertently wrote The Shining.
I hope my tale of child molestation achieves similar success.

David Kelly walks in to a Library. "Do you have a textbook on suicides"
"Sorry" says the Librarian, "a bloke from MI6 just borrowed it"

My Girlfriend has moved onto the fourth book in the series.
she's now reading Fifty Shades of Make Me a Sandwich.

There coming out with a 50 Shades Of Grey women's under wear line.
That's nothing new my boxers have been 50 shades for months now.

Due to the popularity of "50 shades of grey" , a new underwear range will soon be in shops.
Think i will stick with my own brand though....
50 shades of brown.

I can't wait for Reading
Waterstones is gonna be wild!

72 year old, Geoffrey Leonard EVERY PAEDOPHILE'S HERO!
Order his "How to Books" now!

'50 Shades of Grey' is about a guy who gets a young girl to sign her whole life over to him?
So a bit like Josef Fritzl with a contract!

My wife has been moaning and complaining a lot recently so i thought i'd buy that new book "50 shades of grey" as a suprise.
You should have seen the look on her face when i smacked her round the head with it.

As the young officer studied the oak door, he was reminded of his girlfriend -- for she was also slightly unhinged, occasionally sticky and responded well to being stripped and given a light oiling

Quick money making: Sell dictionaries to the Yanks, but call them "crossword answers".

I just sold my old Snow White book for 15 quid.
That really is a fair retail story!

I took a friend to the book store with me today.
I wanted a book on self confidence and my luck was in, he managed to get one for me.