When my wife asked me to sponsor her in aid of breast cancer for sport relief, I ran a mile.

I do a lot of stuff for charity but I don't like to talk about it.
It's much easier to boast by blogging, tweeting and Facebooking about it.

I saw a Charity Collector in town today with a hunched back.
Her coat had "Aspinall Foundation" on it.
Seemed quite appropriate, really.

I saw a soldier, with an arm missing, collecting for the "Help The Hero's" charity today.
I just stood in front of him and applauded loudly, not because he's brave or that he is collecting for a good cause, just to make him jealous.

I tried to help out my favorite charity by donating 30 bags for life.
Apparently make-a-wish foundation deem this as highly inappropriate.

I'm going out to spend the day having my photo taken kissing and hugging all the children I can find without any fear of being arrested.
I love my Pudsey Bear costume.

So, Comic Relief have raised over 20m yet again.
Surely this year they'll spend some of it on fly spray for those poor Ethiopians!

I love a bit of comic relief, me.
But then, i have got a clown fetish.

All comic relief has gone on about so far is cateracts , its not like the've got tellys or fit women to look at.

I had one of those plastic bin liners posted through my door today asking for unwanted clothes for charity.
It's great for storing all those bin liners for unwanted clothes for charity.

For sport relief every footballer has donated a weeks wages,so we decided to buy africa.

I've just done my bit for water aids "Big dig" appeal.
I punched my wife in the face.

I walked out of Tesco and a guy collecting money said, "Would you like to help feed the hungry today?"
I said, "Yes. That's why I just went shopping."

People give chuggers a hard time, but the job is not easy. I have enormous sympathy for them, so, every so often, I make eye contact.

I'm doing my bit for Children In Need, I'm feeding them through the cage tonight.

Surely I wasn't the only Bloke watching Susan Boyle and Peter Kay's alter ego Geraldine on Comic Relief,
and thinking that Peter Kay was the Attractive one!!

I was walking past a beggar this morning when he said,
"Excuse me mate,. I haven't eaten for 4 days."
So I said, " Go on, force yourself."

These days I can't walk down the street without constantly
being stopped and asked for my autograph.
It's not that I'm famous, I just can't seem to avoid the Save The Children chuggers.

Walking In London these days is like a mine field. I mean I went out down Oxford street and by the time I got home I had sponsored 3 Africans , 2 Asians and been given enough leaflets to start my own recycling plant.

Charity muggers, the words now been shortened to "Chuggers", well, I've got a word for em... CHUNTS!

I've not been able to insult my wife since starting my new job withthe charity "The Dogs Trust" as we never put a dog down!

Me and my son were stopped in the high street today by a woman and man from cancer research asking for donations.
"I don't have much money," I said.
"Just give what you can go without," they replied.
"Okay then," I said, "son, meet your new parents."

I don't see why I should have to sit through depressing films about starving children in Africa, just because it's Sport Relief.
I'm the one paying, surely they should be forced to watch films about how great my life is?

My mate told me he has a shed full of geese. I asked him for a gander...

All these kids in Africa, no money for food but they must have lots of money for beer, they all have beer bellys