Why did the boy drop his lolly pop?
Because he got hit by a car.

Children in Need is raising awareness for Leukemia in young children.
Sponsored by Marlboro.

I hear Victoria Beckham was offered gas and air while in labour with her new baby,
Apparently she wasn't hungry at the time

All this snowy weather is letting the little boy inside of me take control.
To be honest, I quite like getting tied up while he rides me.

Sky News : 'See Dannii Minogue's Baby Boy - On Twitter'.
These kids are so advanced these days.

I've been thinking of opening a school for disadvantaged kids.
All I gotta do is master the art of disguising myself as the Queen.

You know you've got a problem when your second kid starts walking before your first.

I'm not saying I'm a bad parent or anything but it did take a photo on a milk carton before I realised my son was missing.

I had to babysit my sister's infant the other day, and I had the world's worst headache, because the young baby wouldn't stop crying.
And I knew for sure that it wasn't because of food, sleep, poo or wee.
Because I did all of them, and my headache still didn't disappear.

If you're supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

I believe in letting the inner child out...
once they've earned their freedom

A cloned cow has been put on the market and is ready to be eaten.
This could be harmful.
Lives are at steak.

My son just told me that I wasn't the "boss" of him.
So I sat him down and showed him a 65 slide PowerPoint to justify my management position.

How can you tell if your girlfriend is too old?
She's started getting homework

I don't know why my children hate bubbles so much.
I only took them to the neverland ranch once.

I see Ubisoft have released a new "Michael Jackson: The Experience" computer game. I look forward to buying it for my kids and then playing with them.

I have a third party, fire and theft policy.
And sadly, because of that, I no longer get invited to three-year-old's birthday parties.

My wife hates it when our baby kicks her.
I say baby, he's nearly two now, but at least he's a quick learner.

I was in Portugal a few weeks back when i saw the cutest little 3 year old girl and i found myself thinking, 'When in Rome...'

I'm such a convincing guy, that I was actually able to sell ice to an Eskimo.
Besides, I always regretted naming my kid ice.

Whilst we were driving home I was trying to show my wife the correct use of the throttle.
It's by far the best way to shut the kids up.

'Children need to see disabled people on TV to get over their fear' says one-armed presenter Cerrie Burnell.
On the other hand... oh wait.

Today, my 4-year old son came running in to the kitchen, yelling: "I want to be a ninja when I grow up!"
Can't wait to tell him he's a dwarf

BBC NEWS HEADLINE: 'Sterling hits 19 month euro high'
So what your saying is, Old man hits druggy baby.

My baby nephew has been really whingy and whiney since he got rubber on his arm from the tread making machine at the michelin factory tour.
He's just tired.