I've just hit someone with their own blackberry. Those things really are useful, i might get one now.

They say music is the language of spirits. So, next time your bank keeps you hanging on the phone, they're probably taking you for a medium.

At work today this OAP costumer kept calling me duck... I thought to myself, if she calls me duck one more time I think I'm going to quack...

Facebook - for hideous, fat, ugly women to deceive lads into thinking they look human.

I'm not saying the guy from the BT adverts is creepy, but I'm expecting in the next one for him to turn around and say "Let me shave your legs and lick you while you sleep"

I've just taken out a contract with Vodafone.
2500 for them to shoot that fat bloke from the Go Compare adverts.

I've still got my original Nokia 3310, I think it may be time to get rid of it.
Apparently, I've to take it somewhere called 'Mordor'

The funniest thing to do using Google+
Step 1. Randomly divide everyone you know into two seperate circles.
Step 2. Post to circle 1 that you just got an awesome new job
Step 3. Post to circle 2 that you just contracted some disease
Step 4. Post to your extended circles the message: 'Tomorrow is my last day'
Sit back and watch resulting comment battle unfold...

If my iPhone were truly 'smart'.....
It wouldn't let me text people when I'm drunk.

Normally I hate the adverts on television but the last one I saw I really agreed with. It was warning of the dangers of cyber bullying; how sad and sick it is. How cyber bullying really does show the broken society we live in today and all that has changed over the years with the age of technology...
Now it's the fatty's and the nerds have the upper hand when it comes to picking on people. God must be shaking his head looking at what we've become. Shaking his head...

My idea for a perfect pint was a cool Fosters on the beach in Jamaica with Bob Marley.
For some reason carling said I didn't win.

It's a sad state of affairs when your Blackberry goes down on you more often than your Girlfriend!

I asked Siri to call me an ambulance since I was experiencing chest pains. It responded by telling me it would call me 'an ambulance' from now on.

Just got my best mate, my dog a cell phone plan.
It comes with roll-over minutes.

My phone has been ringing off the hook.
I should probably get that fixed.

My wife said "You're not making any sense".
I replied "Fourteen and a bit on the top".

What do you call a hi-fi that will never let you down?
A sound system!

Are you forgetful? Are you not rememering where you put things? I made an app for that....
It's around here somewhere I just have to find it.

BBC News: "Black granted bail pending appeal"
...What? You don't need me to write anything?

My wife and I had a close call this morning.
I can't believe she phoned me from next door.

Bank security checks are pretty pointless if you're talking to an Indian customer.
"Can I take your mother's maiden name please Mr Patel?"
"Yeah. It's Patel."

I hate getting my social networking sites mixed up,
Just last week i was telling my family to come on MyFace..

Steve Jobs probably had the BlackBerry server as his life support machine.

I hate condescending people.
But, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Probably the single and most frustrating thing about social media websites like twitter, is the fact that you only get 140 characters to us