I had a really bad nightmare last night. I dreamt that I unsuccessfully buried my wife in the back garden.
When I woke up, I walked downstairs and hugged my spade.

Last year , all of my dreams came true.
This year , I'm sat here in this prison cell , wishing that they hadn't.

Don't listen to what people say, FOLLOW YOUR DREAM!
Unless your fat because you probably won't be able catch up with it.

I've been having dreams that I can't interpret.
They're in French and I don't speak the language.

My wife wasnt happy when I announced I was going to be leaving to follow my dream.
Or "Tanya from next door" as she is also known.

I don't know if it's common, but when I was a kid I used to dream that I was falling from a tall tree, only to wake up and find out that, in fact, the babysitter had thrown me out of the window.

Last night, our son came up to our room and asked if he could sleep in our bed because he was afraid of the monster in his closet.
It's already the third time this week, I hope his girlfriend doesn't mind.

When you wish upon a star, you are a few million years late.
The star is dead.
Just like your dreams.

I never knew having an imaginary friend could be so problematic.
I opened a bank account for him, donated some of my funds, now I'm being done for tax evasion.

I said to my mate, "I dreamt that I ate a giant marshmallow!"
He said, "Let me guess, you woke up and your pillow was gone?"
I said, "No, I woke up and one of my giant marshmallows was gone."

I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up...
My wife was dead.
Great morning all round, really.

I phoned the wife today,
"I had a terrible dream."
And?
"You were there."
And?
"What do you mean? And?

"I was having superb dream about you." I said to my wife as I woke. "You were doing something really nice to me."
"Maybe it will come true." she said. "What was it?"
"I hope so." I replied. "Leaving."

Last night i had an amazing dream involving Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Katy Perry and Cheryl Cole.
I beat them all at Monopoly.

Always follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

This girl in the pub asked me if she was the woman of my dreams.
"That depends" I said. "Are you wet?"

Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. I woke up this morning and my albino son was gone

I dreamt I was a woman last night.
When I woke up, the house was spotless.
Looks like the wife couldn't sleep again.

I have a dream: a dream that one day, little black girls and little white girls will play with each other !

An elderly couple is having breakfast. The woman says: "Oh, I had the most wonderful dream: I was 20 years old again and I was cycling through a beautiful forest with my sister." The man replies: "I had a wonderful dream too: I was 20 years old again and I was making love to a beautiful girl." The woman winks and asks: "were you making love to me?", to which the man replies: "Of course not, you were out cycling with your sister."

"Doctor, I really need your help", I said. "Every night for the past two weeks I'm dreaming about some rats playing football."
"Here, take these pills tonight before you go to bed and you will be fine."
"But can I take them starting tomorrow?"
"Why?"
"Because tonight they play the final."