Im struggling to find the best way to get my baby goats clean and ready for the village fete tomorrow.
Does anyone know of any good internet sites where I can get tips on grooming kids?

I think the farmer next door is on drugs but getting evidence is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

The vet said to the Irish dairy farmer "I'm sorry, it's bad news. All your cows have Blue Tongue. The farmer replies "Bejaysus....I didn't even know they had mobiles!"

My girlfriend recently told me that I remind her of a penny because I'm two faced and worthless.
Needing to respond with quick wit and intelligence I told her that she reminds me of a cow... because she looks like a cow.
Needless to say I'm now single.

I'm the kind of guy that likes to tease his house plants by watering them with ice cubes.

In a countryside field a sign reads....
"The Farmer allows walkers to cross this field for free, but the bull charges"

BBC NEWS - Man in farm murder inquiry bailed.
As much as I like to see the punishment fitting the crime scenario I'm not sure what throwing blocks of hay at him will achieve.

I finally decided to get rid of all the people that constantly send me Farmville requests on Facebook.
My wife was fuming when I blocked all 6 of her accounts.

I'm not trying to impress you but,
I own a tractor.

It annoys me how farmers always have to put their gates in the muddiest part of the field.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smoke lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

As a shepherd, I hear lots of jokes about sheep.
I used to tell them to my dog but he'd always herd them.