I can't help thinking that Amazon are getting lazy.
Under 'Recommended for you', they have listed a 20 gift voucher.

Just had a call from a really nice Nigerian man representing Facebook. He took my credit card details and is going to sort out the annual payment to Facebook for me. Thank god I got that sorted!

Groupon deal 17 for a facial and wrap. You can pay 3 for the wrap and get the facial for free in Sunderland.

This afternoon I pushed my girlfriend into the road where she missed being hit by a bus by mere inches. I'd just like to say sorry...
Youtube, maybe next time, eh?

A lady stopped me in Boots today and asked what products I use for grooming 'Facebook' obviously wasn't the answer she was expecting

Wow! A new application on Facebook told me i had 1972.5 visitors on my Facebook page.
Nice to know Ronnie Corbett paid a visit.

Your life is pretty bad when you come to the realisation that you'd have more friends on Facebook if you were dead.

I was doing some phone banking earlier. I was greeted with
"For security reasons, I'm going to mumble a word which you have to say back at me. If you'd like, I can mumble a different word."

I'm glad that all of these naked pictures are being posted on facebook. It means that I don't have to keep deleting my internet history before my girlfriend comes home.

Google:
R... Rightmove?
RE... Republic?
RED... Reddit?
REDT... Redtooth?
REDTU... Redtub.....No! I dont know. La la la, im not listening.

Torrent for a person and they will be fine for a day. Teach a person to torrent and they will be fined for a lifetime.

I remember on the internet when if more than five people visited a website at a time it caused it to slow right down and crash.
Actually it was only ten minutes ago on sickipedia...

Wow! the only thing worst than my jokes is the sickipedia check for exisiting scheme!
but anyway i'm in this internet cafe...

Today a woman told me how she hated the rejected feeling she gets when she holds a baby and it starts to cry.
I told her she could avoid this by not holding babies.

The misses always goes on about how she wants to do something exciting like go on safari and experience Africa...
...so I sat her in front of the computer, replaced internet explorer, and gave her aids from a dirty needle.

Some guy from a charity just came to my door asking for 10 a month for sick children or something. He said it worked out at about 30p a day.
I thought for a minute and realised that 30p a day isn't much.
So I'm going to go for Spotify Premium

My internet service provider has tech support on live chat. They weren't helpful at all when I logged on and asked "what are you wearing"

Can anyone recommend me a good search engine? I would search a search engine for a good search engine but I don't know a good search engine.

I couldn't remember where I found out about all the single girls in my area wanting to meet me.
But I'm sure they will pop up sooner or later.

Just spent a day with the wife and kids, I managed to get some work done around the house too.
In fact I even had a chance to sit down for a romantic meal with the wife!
I think I speak for most men when I say this... Please Sickipedia, Never-Ever leave me again

What do you get when you mix Sulphur, hydrogen, iodine, tellurium, phosphorous, uranium, nitrogen and Sulphour?
S H I Te P U N S

"Murder accused says he is 'Crossbow Cannibal' "
Carlsberg don't do defence strategies, but if they did, they'd be about as good as their beer.

So, Google has just turned 13.
It's funny, when my daughter turned that age, I stopped caring about her as well.

MPAA calls the internet going dark "An abuse of power"
In related news, the Eye of Sauron acuses hobbits of terrorism.

I had to report my colleagues for spending all of their time at work on Facebook.
"I've never been on there once!" I said proudly to my boss.
And that's when Mark Zuckerberg fired me.