My neighbour has built a ten foot wall to stop me perving on his daughter.
I can't get over it.

My neighbour went ballistic when she caught me giving her the V's again.
Its safe to say our weekly scrabble games are probably over.

When people ask me where I'm from, I always say ''a lovely little village in Hertfordshire, not far from Knebworth, called St Evenage.''
It sounds better than Stevenage.

A salesperson called me.
"Are you interested in selling your house?"
"I'm interested in my neighbour selling his" I replied, so I booked him an appointment.

I was walking past my next door neighbours when I noticed her house was on fire, so I stripped naked ran in there and tried kissing her.
I don't know what I was thinking, it was all in the heat of the moment.

Who says old people aren't friendly?
Only today as I came home from work my 80 year old neighbour was waving at me with such enthusiasm
And she had a lovely open fire going in the living room

I've been trying to get into the girl next door's knickers.
I'd managed to grab them off the line and get one leg through before her mum started banging on the window.

I walked out of my house this morning and saw two dogs humping.
I wish my neighbours would close their blinds.

I walked up to my blind next door neighbour walking with his guard dog. I said, "Eh up Dave, their letting dogs in the pub now mate."
He said, "That's nice, you can take your missus out for a drink now then."

Just had my next door neighbour knocking on my door when I was playing the guitar,he said" Excuse me mate we can't hear a thing next door" "not a problem" I replied, so I turned up my amp to number 8 .Should be able to hear it ok now .

I've heard its good to write a song about the person closest to you.. So the next one will be about my neighbour

I have a feeling our neighbors are inbred. I asked the daughter out on a date & her dad came out & said that she doesn't do long distance relationships.

I've been learning to speak Urdu for a few weeks now.
It's not an easy language but now I can at least communicate with my neighbours.

I saw my neighbour Walking down the street the other day.
And thought to myself, what strange person would call their child that?

My next door neighbours kid kicked his football into my garden again this afternoon, so I shot it with my air rifle.
I only got his leg, but that should be enough to stop him in future.

Built a nine foot high wall around my garden, the neighbours can't get over it.

Ever since those so called Obamas have got in, I keep reading about how they're going to be the next Kennedys.
As far as I'm concerned, no one can replace Karl and Susan from Neighbours.

I just got skylights put in my place.
The woman upstairs is furious.

My next door Neighbour's Daughter said that when she gets older she wants to marry me. I was touched.
A few minutes later, so was she.

The girl next door has beautiful soft skin.
I'm wearing it right now.

If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbours are going to be so rich!
I'm going to move to a rich neighbourhood.

Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me. Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!
Well, when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever..
Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Talk about bad timing...

My neighbours have been listening to music all night! I love my stereo.

When I moved into my new house one of my neighbours came round and asked if I wanted to sign up for the Neighbourhood Watch.
Obviously I refused, given my wife had only just bought me one for my birthday and I could look at it any time I wanted to.

My neighbours called the cops on me again for playing the drums at 3 in the morning.
They should just buy me a set so I can practice in my own house.