Went to the school nurse the other day to get an ice pack for my leg, she asked me if I knew how it worked.
I said of course, it's a simple exothermic reaction.

BBC News: Higgs boson results cause flurry
So that's how McDonald's make them

I was trying to post a joke about Neon.
I couldn't think of Ne...

Scientists should use an internet tool to see if life exists on the newly discovered "twin planet".
Just use Google Kepler 22-b.

I met my archaeologist wife on an online dating site.
It's called carbondating.com

I don't trust photons.
They've all got multiple personality disorders

My science teacher said I had lots of potential today.
He then pushed me off a roof.

Newton's law of motion... by Hooke or by crook?

Scientists have discovered that chickens are closely related to humans
i don't agree, i've never had a chicken breast with a nipple.

Let's go back to simple mechanics for a moment.

Science, Or, the way things worked before we invented God

I really need to come up with a way of remembering which trig function to use when resolving forces on my mechanics paper, cos at the moment i have to draw the thing out!

After the recession hit, I invested all my money in Jodrell Bank.
The interest isn't great but their call centre is out of this world.

You can be in the copper team or the aluminium team, but there is no iron team.

I've got my telescope out and I'm hoping to spot some lovely big aureola tonight.
The woman across the street has got cracking nipples.

Spent so long today trying to think of a good electricity joke my head hertz!

After extensive research, astronomers at Mauna Kea Hawaii have come to the conclusion that intelligent lifeforms are more likely to exist on smaller planets rather than larger planets and Liverpool.

What did Magnesium say to Calcium?
We've got good chemistry!
I can tell from your face that it was not a good reaction.
I think this joke needs another element.

Scientists have discovered that fish only have three second memories.
So, one step closer to curing cancer then!

A friend of mine told me that there's no such thing as gravity.
I'm not falling for that one.

Why are chemists great for solving problems?
They have all the solutions.

When my mum was pregnant with me, the doctors decided i had to be taken out early, they said there just wasn't any womb.

I have a job selling hydrogen balloons.
It's been an explosive career.

organic chemistry is difficult, people who study it have alkynes of trouble

Am I the only person that finds it ironic that DVDs released by Universal are regionally encoded