My mate said that if you come across a group of Chavs late at night, you should shine something bright at them to make them run.
I don't think my phone was quite bright enough though.

Where did Prince Charles spend his first honeymoon?
Indiana.

My doctor thinks I'm mentally unstable.
That's crazy.

Iceland ready meals.
They taste of poverty and broken dreams.

I got a nasty burn on my arm today. I was taking a pie out of the oven when my dad came up behind me and put his cigarette out on my arm.