My dog recently went missing so I got a pet detective.
Although he doesn't seem to like his cage very much.

You know you're addicted to Facebook when you start referring to yourself in the third person in real life.

The big boss came into the office today and he said my department was childish.
He said something else as well but we didn't hear that because we ran away from him.

I was woken up this morning by the neighbours little boy kicking a football against the wall. I told him to stop that and come back to bed.

I've discovered the secret of life.
Breathing.