I'm guessing they tried to kill Joss Stone with scissors. Everyone knows you need paper to beat Stone.

when confronted by a lion, bear or tiger in the wild always stroke them in the direction their fur lies, never stroke against the nap as they dont like that

I told my mate that my wife was pregnant. He said he didn't think I had it in me.
I don't think he understands how babies are made.

I have created a Twitter account called "The Yellow Brick Road" and I am going to follow it

Whenever I go with a new girl I like to measure how wide they can open their legs.
I put the results on a spreadsheet.