Feeling peckish, I decided to send my young son to the shop to fetch a hot pie for me. That was hours ago and there's been no sign so I'm really starting to panic now.
How long do pies stay edible?

I was messing around with my mate at the pottery factory yesterday and we got locked in the kiln.
The boss fired us both.

I'm not worried about the Third World War.
That's the Third World's Problem.

My wife and I were settling in for a long train journey.
"Are you comfortable, is the seat soft?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"Not feeling any draught?"
"No."
"No vibrations or shaking?"
"No."
So we swapped places.

A bloke came up to me in the street and asked if I had any Red Leicester. I apologised and said I only had Swiss cheese.
He went emmental.