addicted to my 'How to love a sick dog' book
I can't put it down.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

Police: How did your wife get that mark on her forehead?
Husband: She fell down the stairs.
Police: But you live in a bungalow.
Husband: Yeah but she lives in the cellar.

The X Factor contestants are completely ruining Queen songs
Roger Taylor probably doesn't mind, but I think Brian May.

Terminal illness is dying out.