My wife's been using that new voice recognition software to send me some sweet Emails.
Dragon: Natrelly speaking.

Deep down I'm really shallow.

At least my new Foster parents didn't beat me,unlike my Stella parents.

I asked for a battery powered clock in the shop today.
When I got it home, I noticed that the man gave me the wrong one.
It was a wind up.

10 hikers killed in a landslide in the Himalayas.
Now be honest, you didn't expect Everest to be doing THAT today, did you?