I wanted to try something kinky, the wife just want something to eat.
So we compromised.
We went for Toed in the hole.

Facebook is a woman. A man would never ask, "What's on your mind?"

I was walking back to the car today with my wife when she says I'm not a very good driver, I was so angry I nearly drove off without her... but I stalled the engine

In America, "Casino Royale" was released as "Casino Quarter Pounder with Cheese".

There's a new foreign guy who's just started at work, who all the girls are going mad for.
I went up to the office fatty, and asked "So, do you fancy Emile?"
The tubby cow said, "Well, I've just eaten a McDonald's, but yeah, why not?"