Anyone else find it ironic that it's Hans Christian rsted's birthday.

My wife was furious when I quit my job to become a magician but I've now mastered the sawing a lady in half trick and will be doing my first show tonight.
Shame she won't be there but sometimes these things take a couple of tries to get it right.

I got pulled over several times yesterday for speeding. The last time i got pulled over, he said,
"This is the third time i've had to book you today."
I never knew Graham Poll was a policeman?

Surely the term 'premature death' is one of the most pointless ever made.
Seeing as no one is going to want to die when they actually do, aren't all death are therefore premature?

What do we want?
PROCRASTINATION!
When do we want it?
Next week.