Sitting on the bus today i was bored so decided to whip it out and have a fiddle
I got a few weird looks while others watched, and one lady asked me to slow down
I dont know what id do without my Rubik Cube

I found the perfect way to get out of a speeding ticket.
Confess to a murder.

I was down by the beach when I saw this guy staring in deep thought at a tree.
He was a palm reader.

My wife said she found it 'incredible' that I had been cheating on her for 15 years with her own sister.
I thanked her for the compliment.

As an animal thief specialising in large cats, I take prides in my work.