I've drawn a self potrait in ultra violet ink
Now people see me in a different light

I bet Lord Voldemort
uses Twitter but not Facebook
because he only has followers,
not friends.

'It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife'
That's not irony, that's a prison canteen

I before E except after C
I think you'll find Einstein disproved that

I handed my mother in law a bouquet of flowers and said "These made me think of you."
"They're lovely," she said "What are they?"
"Snapdragons" I replied.