Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work.
I think it's an absolute disgrace that some chavs threw bleach over a woman in a cinema recently.
She could have dyed.
What's a womans favourite drink?
Whine.
Who's that gorgeous girl?
-- Her? She changes her boyfriend almost every day!
Oh! Gets around a bit, does she?
-- No. He's incontinent.
The wife been complaining of shooting pains.
Suppose I'd better stop shooting her for a bit.
